chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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