I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
