In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
