Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
