Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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