The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
