omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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