I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
