Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
