I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
