Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
