Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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