They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
