margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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