Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
