she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
third nipple confirmed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
