guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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