He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
