I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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