I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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