on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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