I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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