Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
