You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
