in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
