I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
