I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
