if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
