Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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