the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm eating all of the evidence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
