Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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