I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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