Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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