But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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