i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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