it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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