the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
