i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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