No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
