I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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