It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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