Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
