If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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