Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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