when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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