Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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