i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
