Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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