This girl is more easily done than said...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
