im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
