Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
