ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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