lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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