am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
