My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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