She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
