i think i have two assholes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
