After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How does it feel to date your dad?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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