$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
