i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
