he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
