Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
