My room smells like vodka and shame
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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