so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
