According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
