And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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