Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
