I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
