If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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