If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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