I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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